We have a very triggered world and nowhere does it show up more vehemently than at the molten core of human experience- Birth and Beyond.
It can look like this –
When we see a mother birthing in her autonomy without the reliance on an external authority and/or a mother happily breastfeeding her 8 year old, there are some people, who cannot tolerate absorbing these kinds of Love states.
It is commonly and sadly those, whose unresolved issues around their own birth where attachment, bonding, love and connection were not fully imprinted, who are quick to to enlist a cold, stark response to those whom are living those very felt experiences. These “less than” birth imprints reignite deep, unbearable emotional losses which harbour the inability to be guided in to a celebration of the beauty that they witness unfolding before them.
The witness, unconsciously, becomes the abuser whilst the grief is suspended within their body like a dark relentless abyss, swallowing whole the object of their contempt. So deep and so wide is the pain that they cannot separate their despair with the delight of another.
The worst part about this reaction is, that when people whom work within the birth field; maternal clinicians, get triggered and hence embark, without any self reflection, on a process of enmeshment with the emotions of resentment directing them, often brutally, toward the mother who is displaying her maternal alliance and ease with her baby we have a problem. The mother who made choices to birth her baby, in her self referenced autonomy or breastfed her child on demand or made choices inherently navigated from her flowing intuitive fountain. It is she in her purity, that becomes the target of a seething authority built upon shaky foundations.
To the triggered and traumatised “care” provider this joy and ease expressed by the radiant mother, feels and looks like an assault on their very existence. The incongruous nature of their bitterness sits in a space between what their psyche knows should have been their own loving birth/mothering experience to what actually occurred when they were innocent and powerless babies. This then prompts what I refer to as the birthing battle ground where an aggressive posture takes hold and inflicts damage through the gateway of interference, cruel words, diminishing the mothers experience and severing her instinctual responses to her baby. These spiteful tactics wave the flag of injustice whilst all the while the person inflicting this kind of behaviour cleverly veils their insurmountable hurts.
What of a Solution?
Perhaps there could be a compulsory unit in the education component of clinicians training asking of them to look at their personal birth imprints as a means to get honest about what potential barbs they may throw into the birthing field. It would require attention and attentiveness with authenticity to work through finding resolutions to firstly unearth the existence of these negative birth imprints, and then engage in refined practises that would ultimately set the clinicians free from their behaviour- freed from the tyranny of unconscious projections landing in the hearts of mothers, babies, families, communities and Humanity- perhaps once and for all these could be addressed.
So then Free Birth would certainly take on several meanings
Free Birth – a place where mothers could reclaim birth and place it rightfully back into their hands and hearts with their babies for the sake of sanity. When mothers cannot trust a distrustful system that spends energy intentionally blocking their inner birth wisdom what choice do they have?
For eg taking away women’s access to independent midwives sends a message that personalised care is not valued. So mothers own their value and go about the nesting process by creating birth spaces that support their right. By Freeing up the birth space. mothers can excavate through the gateway of sovereignty and reach great spiritual depths distancing themselves from the tyranny of tell tale imposed trauma.
And then we have Free Birth as a philosophy and practise where maternal clinicians, whom are stuck in the muddy waters of their embodied trauma have the opportunity to free themselves so they no longer remain hostage to a festering grief of shackled wounding. Free Birth so they are supported and loved through the experience of the first gaze, a mother’s bond, experienced as a somatic process within a healthy love laced container.
In these places clinicians can release their unhealthy projected patterns so that they can be faced and released – here the floodgates of a more spacious existence not crippled by fear and aversion to beauty and love can be felt.
It’s time to get honest.
Let’s face it, an educational degree or medical label is not a ticket to
“do as I please, say what I demand,”
with the hallmarks of bypass behaviour going unchecked.
Free Birth Bad Behaviour is not a free for all nor should it give you the right to violate or be inhumane.
In my world, honesty is a quality that should set the scene for conscious leadership steeped in emotionally intelligent skills as an example of what empathy, self awareness and relationship management looks and feels like.
Mothers and babies deserve nothing less than our concerted efforts, truthful dialogue and pain staking inner resolution. Maternal Care Revolutionised is the key to this approach.
What The Birth World Needs Now Is Your Truth.
Please Look out for my presentation in the VBAC online summit addressing
Exploring How Emotional Intelligence within maternal care systems can effect change.
Maha Al Musa
Founder EmbodyBirth since 1997.