Often when we find ourselves in a place or state that is unfamiliar we turn to other people for guidance. We look to them to help the unknown not seem so scary. But they don’t always know the complexities we are going through and they don’t know our unique situation.

Each pregnancy and pregnancy journey is unique because the mother and child connection is forged from, not only a physical pathway but a psychic and spiritual one. These pathways become apparent when there is active and intentional listening to each other’s cues on the journey.

Fear from external influences.

Sometimes the external influences of other people, though often well-meaning, can thwart this listening and actually create fears that then hinder your full birthing potential. And for many women, these birth fears are then placed before birth possibilities

Fear manifests itself as constriction or as states of freeze, or flight, or even collapse both on a physical and emotional level. These states can further hinder the flow of birth as they immobilize our inner resources so that we may make choices based on other people’s suggestions. 

Fear can keep you hostage as though caged behind bars. Any natural choices that could ground your feelings of joy and good choices that can improve your happiness become thwarted by your confinement. 

The skill every mother needs to cultivate is one where she can only listen to these external influences when she feels right in her body and then be able to listen to her inner voice. This is usually her instinctual knowing.

We affirm that pregnancy and childbirth are primal experiences and in that innate language you will be guided. If you listen carefully and with the intention to hear, you will be able to decipher the distinct messages and guidance from both what your body is telling you, and what your baby is sharing with you. 

External influences can pull you in many different directions, they can confuse you. So remember that in order to come into a relaxed place, to connect with body/baby wisdom you must be able to listen with ease. This will help you to calm your fears and relieve any tension in your body.

If this is something you struggle with, here are 3 tips to help you silence unhelpful, demanding external voices.


Don’t be afraid to say no and set boundaries.


You must stay true to your birth vision and know that birth is full of good possibilities and good outcomes. 

While you can still consider medical advice, remember that you can say “no” or “I don’t know” if something doesn’t feel right or if something told to you doesn’t align with your vision of birth…ask questions!

External influences can come from everywhere. Family, friends, the news, the media, television, the internet…etc.

If you feel you are getting overwhelmed you can set boundaries for yourself and others. Change the channel, turn off the tv, tell your friend or loved one “I appreciate that you care for my well being, but I know my body was made for this, and anything is possible”


Choose your birth environment well – including those who respect your decisions.


Look at what will serve your personality, your birth vision, your baby’s emotional and physiological needs, your partner’s needs, and your deepest truths.

When choosing who will accompany you on your journey, choose wisely those who will respect your choices, your decisions, and your space.

The key here is lovingly supported without pressure. There is no way we can reveal the authenticity of our truth by being rushed or under obligation. To overcome obstacles you must have security.

I go into more depth on this topic in the last blog post I wrote to help you to learn how you can create a peaceful birth environment.


Learn to find what feels right to you and not to others.


Often when we experience something for the first time, friends or family members who have already gone through the experience like to tell us what we should expect and how we should do things the way they did things.

But everyone experiences life in different ways, and no two birth experiences are the same.

Don’t worry about what other people felt about their own experience. Find what makes you comfortable and embrace your own desires and needs for your birth and your baby. 

If you let yourself listen to others’ voices, as your experience unfolds, you might think “wait, it’s not supposed to happen like this, this isn’t how they said it would be”. 

It will only increase your anxiety and tension. It would be better to relax in your own journey and embrace it as your own.

Letting yourself listen to your body as each moment unfolds in your labour will bring strength and confidence with a sense of peacefulness. 

I believe in you. Because I know you are capable, able, and strong. I know you have a voice that is speaking loudly to you.

Silence everything else to hear it!

Would you like to dive more deeply into this topic? I talk extensively about imposed and innate fears in my EmbodyBirth™ online childbirth preparation program for birth professionals and in my Mini EmbodyBirth™ online childbirth preparation program for mums-to-be.

Mamaste 🙏