At birth, a baby’s primal NEED is to be with its mother – the person they were connected to for 10 moons – and if no emergency is required – this biological imperative MUST be upheld to lay the ground as a contribution toward lifelong security!

As we move on from part 1, I ask, what is it that babies learn about the world when this natural psycho-biological need is severed or in fact altogether neglected? Remember I shared that babies’ brains are essentially wired for the receivership of love states yet when disconnected from their caregiver at birth, this wiring takes a different route that is more attuned to “survival mode”. Survival sets the nervous system imprint in a way that says the world is unsafe, lacks empathy, gives a sense of coldness, perhaps even abusive and violent. The message babies then energetically garner is the feeling “I am all alone on this journey Earthside. I am not safe, there is no one here to support, embrace, protect, and LOVE me.” In other words, the feeling becomes “how do I belong in this place?”.

And this is where the wild ride of ambivalence and emotional severance can manifest. It is known that in some ancient warrior tribes baby boys were denied breastfeeding for the purpose of raising fighters. Why would this be so? In order to go to battle and kill an enemy, there must be a level of detachment from shared feelings of warmth, safety, love, and connection. In our modern world we can expand upon this and surmise that if we battle against our own nature through confusion, separateness, or hopelessness in order to declare that there exists an enemy within, this then helps justify seeing an enemy out there.

So where does this leave us in 2020? As we watch mothers birthing babies in environments that lack compassion, or an understanding of this precious imprinting, we see a world that is creating troubled infants. We know globally that when the severance of the mother-baby bond is sabotaged during the birth process, oftentimes in a cruel and heartless way, it will no doubt set up lifelong feelings that reflect deep heartbreak and heartache. 

Heartbreak, an emotional sense of dismissal, can manifest as increased susceptibility to physical ailments in children. These ailments in relation to unconscious birth practice seem to have escalated in our babies and children. And then this dis-ease (lack of being at ease), seen as emotional distress in our children, shows up as a sense of detachment with an earnest longing to belong. 

One culprit of this is the use of oftentimes dangerous and unnecessary birthing drugs that are known to interfere with a mother’s natural hormonal flow, hence a babies birth experience at a visceral level, and will underpin these kinds of emotional sorrows we are seeing! Dr. Michel Odent, in his continued attention to primal research, often speaks about the manifestations of this at length. It’s a HUGE topic that I will cover at another time.

So, with this knowledge, and returning to my conversation with my friend, I expressed to him that relationships, where addiction manifests, could sometimes be the result of our very early birth imprints. Whether those imprints have manifested from the prenatal period, the immediate post-birth period, the postnatal period, and extended beyond, they are all worthy to consider. 

I have become conscious of all these things in the 24 years I’ve spent working as an independent birth educator and recognise on an unconscious level that we tend to create the familiarity of our childhood through an attachment to a default pattern in our intimate relationships whether it feels good or not.

So let’s consider it like this. If our mother-baby bonding was less than ideal, or if unnecessary drugs were administered, or if the relationships we had with our primary caregivers as babies to childhood and beyond were dysfunctional, cold, lacking love, distant, emotionally painful, or we were neglected, not seen nor heard, abandoned and more, we unconsciously carry this language of pain, whether ambivalence or distress from the imprinted experience then (wait for it) we recreate the scenario with our intimate partner and call it Love

And to top it off we often don’t even realize this manifestation, often known as co-dependence, that thrives on our emotional pain! Why is this? 

Well as we now know, the imprint of the layers of brain circuitry embedded in our deepest subconscious and implicit memory (from the formation and placement of the brain neurons in utero and as babies) all have an innate intelligence from a neurobiological pathway that knows how and where to attach. 

If this is disrupted from physical or psychological abuse in birth, which may for e.g. come from birth care providers style of care that is lacking an understanding of nature’s physiology and how love states are created, the brain synapses get diverted away from their blueprint navigation or they may even snap off and never form. This acute loss affects a baby’s brain development in both the limbic system and neocortex and robs them of their full potential as a human being.

Ahhh how simple would it be if we actually respected birth’s physiology and its psycho-spiritual roots!

And as I am always personally curious to learn more, I wonder about the science of brain plasticity. Can we regrow these missing neurons at the junction of the synapses throughout childhood and adulthood?? If so, what does it take to grow them? How do we repair the unconscious as well as bring it to consciousness for healing? Is acknowledging and understanding this complex patterning the first step to re-training our brains? 

All good questions as I further my own studies and educate birth professionals (doctors, gynecologists, midwives, doulas…etc) who may not yet have a full understanding of the primal period and its acute influence on how humans develop. 

I do believe that once we understand the true potency of this knowledge where in most instances, Mother Nature knows best ( for after all she is our first Mother), we then can subscribe to the qualities that birth is inherently safe, that the mother-baby bonds of deep attachment are the ultimate first quest we encounter to implicitly and viscerally know love, and that the way we treat mothers, babies, children, partners, families, communities have the potential to heal the ongoing separation of ourselves and each other from our spiritual potentiality in this ocean of Humanity.

Without wasting another second this knowledge MUST be deliberately, wisely, gently, and consciously embedded in ALL societies to uphold conscious sacred birth and conscious sacred birth practices so we can all live with our hearts intact.

My friend and I expounded on this knowledge. We talked about the value of living life wisely in both the relationship with self and others and how most times we live outside of ourselves or co-dependently in relationships. In this, I see many of us waking up each day but living as though we are not really living our maximum potential because living can be painful when there is a sense of something amiss.

Yet there is always hope for healing and activation where new ways of being can emerge. Feeling loved and supported in a non-judgemental way to live as awareness with emotional intelligence as vibrant spiritual beings is a great goal. I know, I am an idealist at times. But hey, wouldn’t you want to aspire to swim bravely in the ocean of potentiality to awaken what else could be possible for a more fulfilled life? I would. It can be a long road unfolding in a non-linear way yet it is the experiences we encounter along the path of discovery that excites me.

I pray that the whole world will wake up to the why’s of how we can birth babies into the arms of Love and the beating heart of true Love to elevate consciousness for the sake of all Humanity and create the tenements of peace on earth to begin through birth!




Note – This is a revised blog post from 2014