Lately I have been thinking alot about the real, raw and wildly powerful sensory experience that I delved in to when my babies were in utero. The mother / baby resonance that is in general, often neglected by mainstream society when we address the pregnancy/birth experience yet in my own journey this resonance gave me the basis of connection with my babies that informed and influenced our birth experience.
Each human being begins life in the womb as resonance in tune with their mothers heartbeat, her sensory vibration, voice, energetic pulses and psyche, to name but a few. There is an internal environment that a mother builds for her baby that goes beyond just the main focus most of us know as the physical nature of this environment as we down play the immense construction of an energetic and emotional nesting that becomes a simultaneous dance between mother and baby. They both are intrinsically linked in this womb resonance. As our physical and biological body blueprint build the inner landscape by laying down the pathways that will grow and nourish our babies, there is also an equally extraordinary and complex emotional and energetic highway being created that requires our undivided attention.
This highway, I believe, has many purposes. It brings a mother into embodying birth through an awareness of her and her babies spiritual development before birth and then leads in to birth through this vital resonance that informs their experience and expression. I feel so fortunate to have been complicit in building three landscapes with my three pregnancies over the past 20 years. I was able to tune in more and more with each pregnancy in order to imprint the understanding of how my awareness of my baby growing in utero, as well as our shared dialogue would play a major role in the birth and mothering process. This internal listening is of utmost importance so we can gain a sense of clarity around who this little person is. This person who has been impacted by generational influences that carry markings of family traits and genetic disposition, as well as the continual connective neural pathways and synapses that determine how this little being will grow inside their mother. This little person we are gifting to our family, the world? Each of my babies brought me a legacy to wear with pride.
My first son and I danced the in utero resonance of fragility and vulnerability. I sensed through his landscape the seeding of my own flowers of delicacy that emerged from the garden of his heart to mine. I was acutely aware of my own need to release many emotional blockages that would often debilitate me in anxiety that was very difficult to shake. Despite his gentle in utero support through the pregnancy I wasn’t sure how I could let go and cleanse my emotional holdings. His internal speak clearly guided me to awaken the parts of myself that I was unable to merge into the new experience of becoming a mother. I was aware of how my armor affected his development and how my ongoing stuckness would have an acute affect on clearing emotional debris for the birth. He was born 6 weeks early and I have always felt that my own difficulties played some part in this. Its just a feeling I have. There is no guilt or shame, I look upon it with curiosity and wonder. And although it did take me many years to process this exchange between us, I am so grateful to him for guiding me to confront the first layer of difficulty that hid in the shadows of my hurts and childhood pains.
A couple of years later my second son took me further and deeper into this fragility in our in utero resonance and I this time I was more willing to look at my pain. His very vibrant persona that showed itself to me from the first trimester worked in two ways. Firstly he was calling me to face the still buried emotional blocks I suppressed whilst at the same time holding me in a place of unconditional love. He spoke to me regularly with an important message that I could not ignore gently coaxing me to be courageous and make choices that were best for me in his pregnancy. To follow my inner guidance that flowed in tandem with his invitation. He further let me know he was strong enough to handle my peeling back the emotional layers of my protection. I had left his father when I was 4 months pregnant with his clear guidance because he had an unwavering understanding of where I needed to be; in my own space without too many distractions in order to deepen into the exploration of my childhood wounds. He assured me that all would be well. And it was.
And then the Universe said there is still more! So my third child my daughter truly helped me to peel back the final layers of my cloak of grief to set me free. Her in utero resonance dance was one of hope, joy and spiritual elevation taking me into the realms of complete surrender. Her unselfish and unrestricted openness paved the way for me to value myself, hear my voice, without the need for approval and acceptance. We journeyed through the in utero navigation together with a sense of knowing that despite the circumstances that played out between her father and I all would be perfect. Again her message asked me to follow my courage through the final frontiers of my inner fears. She remained centred in her own integrity and trust in my unwavering growth so she could be born through clear energetic channels of the female lineage. My work continued through her birth where as I have written about in previous writings I went through a huge healing into full self acceptance through her actual birth. She is my Shero – a daughter of grace that has taught me the power of intention and to remain in my grounded truth with loving kindness.
All my three children are my greatest loves and it is because of them that I have been shown a pathway through the pregnancy, birth and mothering experience that has, at its core, the Universal tenements of Love’s guidance because when all else fails Love is the answer.
And so the reason I have wanted to write this piece for sometime now is to shine a light on the mother baby in utero dyad as I experienced it, so that society can begin to understand that when we interfere with this delicate process, even in our attempts to be helpful, it can break the bonds of inter connection that a mother and her baby require in order, and this is the crux, to raise the consciousness of Love for Humanity through their experience. When a mother at the very least is supported in this understanding by a society that actually recognizes the shamanic importance of the pregnancy and birth process, and then can also trust in this resonance by creating space for its unfolding, we will have a view of the pregnancy birth to mothering journey as having significant spiritual necessity.
Again it is important that we stand back from our need to interfere when unnecessary and make decisions on behalf of parents without their full consent. We must hand birth back to mothers and the raising of children to parents. It is crucial that these understandings of the true nature of pregnancy and birthing be shared as a real possibility. It will benefit us all and our children will be welcomed into life knowing and feeling the significance of the in utero experience as being a part of Humanity’s evolution. All of us are part of a greater purpose where Love and connection rather than separation and dissociation calls us into our truth.
May all beings be blessed and held in the arms of Love.
Maha Al Musa